This week’s hilarious OK! Magazine cover features two of its default stories: Kim Kardashian and generic “baby plans.” Both are defaults when there are no real stories on a slow news week (yes, Jessica Simpson gave birth May 1, but she missed this week’s tabloid deadline so there will be no real cover stories about Simpson and her baby; the only Simpson delivery stories will be pre-written fabrications, because that information wasn’t really available last Friday, the tabloid’s likely deadline).
This week’s OK! takes a break from injecting Jennifer Aniston into boilerplate Brange wedding stories, and returns to its lies about Kardashian planning to adopt because she fears time’s running out at 31-years-old with two failed marriages behind her and a fake relationship with Kanye West in her present.
OK! conjecture that she’s “telling friends” that she’s adopting “as a single parent,” looking for kids from Haiti or the Republic of Armenia, which would make this a literal copy and paste of a story the magazine already ran in March. In addition, reports the tabloid, Kardashian is “thinking about becoming pregnant this year,” because she somehow has that much control over her ovaries.
The headline reads: “PREGNANCY SHOCKER: I’m Having A Baby! Kanye not the father, Her sisters’ surprise reactions, All the exciting details.” A few things… the headline uses the irritating wording “I’m Having A Baby” that’s used on every female celebrity who’s not really pregnant. That’s in addition to the false use of the first person; that’s not really a direct quote, it’s a paraphrase, a source claims Kardashian may be planning to start a family. So there’s no “pregnancy shocker,” it’s a tired ruse, and “Kanye’s not the father” because there is no baby (although her pimp momager would love it, because a Kimye baby would be great for business).