The Amazing Spider-Man 2 Is Gonna Have A Billion Characters

January 29, 2013 by Staff

Screen Crush is reporting that Paul Giamatti is joining the cast of The Amazing Spider-Man 2, which is the second re-quel of the Spider-Man franchise.

Giamatti is playing The Rhino a.k.a. Aleksei Mikhailovich Sytsevich who gets his super powers from a government experiment gone wrong. You know, that old story. Pro-tip: if you’re getting picked on in school, wander into a “government experiment” and you’ll get super-yoked. Then you can beat up all those bullies who are making mean Facebook comments.

Giamatti joins Jamie Foxx as Electro, Andrew Garfield as Spider-Man, and Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy who will probably–SPOILER ALERT–die in this next move.

Do all these people make you want to see this???  No? Well wait!  There’s more….

In addition to these guys, Shailene Woodley will play Mary Jane and Dane DeHaan will play Harry Osborn. Finally Felicity Jones will play someone but nobody’s figured out whom yet. There is speculation that she’ll play Black Cat.

All these characters and story lines will no doubt result in a three-hour movie that’s mostly CGI. I can’t wait for the Burger King action figures! Thank you Hollywood for taking a giant dump my childhood and selling it to the unwashed masses. That was sarcastic, not a single **** is given.