Kim Kardashian Compares Her Fake Wedding To Cancer; Explains Selling $20 Water

Kim Kardashian is somehow being taken seriously as a businesswoman whose empire is based on contrived porn and a reality show both of which were pushed to market by her pimp momager not her. For example, she was recently invited to talk about her businesses of shilling other people’s shoddy products in which she has no involvement except for the marketing (think scam debit cards, scam shoes, scam diet pills, and stolen accessory designs). She was invited to talk about the economy. And she’s been interviewed by (mostly credible) British newspaper The Guardian who, apparently, suffer slow news days like everyone else.

In her interview, Kardashian compares her fake marriage for $20 million in advertiser revenue to a teenager’s cancer. And the 31-year-old explains how easy it’s been to extract money from gullible fans who’ll literally buy anything with her face on it including $20 bottles of water.

On why she’s famous: “When I hear people say [what are you famous for?] I want to say, what are you talking about?” she says slowly, her eyes wide as a bushbaby’s. “I have a hit TV show. We’ve shot more episodes than I Love Lucy! We’ve been on the air longer than The Andy Griffith Show! I mean, these are iconic shows, so it blows my mind when people say that.”

On how being followed by cameras is a talent: “But to be able to open up your life like that and to be so… if everyone could do it, everyone would. It doesn’t make sense to me.”

On how fans will buy anything: “Our [$20] water sells out all the time,” Kardashian says. “People collect them because each store has a different picture on the bottle. It’s really crazy,” she says. “I mean, a water bottle? It’s crazy.” She blinks slowly at the wonder of effortless profiteering.

The porn star, disturbingly, characterises her fans as follows: “A younger girl, like 15 or 16, who loves fashion, loves to be a girly girl, loves beauty, glam.”

On whether porn and vapidity make for a good role model: If you can overlook the vacant materialism, she is in some ways not a bad role model. She points out that she is not “your stick-skinny typical model”. She doesn’t go out on [drunken] benders. She tries not to swear too much. “I remember this one time when I used the F-word… and everyone was like, I can’t believe you said that! You never say that! I am really cautious about what I say and do. If I look at the message I’m portraying, I think it definitely is be who you are, but be your best you.”

On how shilling is the same as working hard: ”I work really hard. I have seven appointments tomorrow before 10am. I’m constantly on the go. I have a successful clothing line. A fragrance. I mean, acting and singing aren’t the only ways to be talented. It’s a skill to get people to really like you for you, instead of a character written for you by somebody else.”

On how doing nothing is the same as rapping: “When rap music first started,” Kardashian says, “rappers were not respected and people thought it was just a fad. And people thought reality shows were going to come and go. They have taken over the soap operas. So it’s a modern version of a soap opera.”

Really, what is her talent: “What is my talent?” She cocks her head to one side. “Well, a bear can juggle and stand on a ball and he’s talented, but he’s not famous. Do you know what I mean?”

On her younger siblings who recently dropped out of high school to model: “I feel a little bit sad for my little sisters,” Kardashian says. “If there’s one thing I’m so thankful I have, it’s that privacy of pretty much my whole life until seven years ago.”

On early ambitions to be on The Real World: “Yes. I wasn’t thinking fame. I was just thinking how cool.” Why? “I don’t know. I just thought my life seemed interesting. I thought, if only people knew the crazy things that go on in this household, it would be so funny. And everyone kept saying that. They’d come over and be like, ‘Oh my God, you need your own reality show.’ I was always on board. Kourtney was the one who wasn’t.”

On filling the hours of KUWTK: “I was like, ‘You guys, I don’t know that I have much more to give. I can only be myself, like… we’re so boring now, we’ve shown everything.’”  And? “And then Khloé got married, Kourtney got pregnant and everything else just happened organically.”

On how a fake marriage is like cancer: “[Kris Humphries and I were] done filming our season at that point, so we decided to film for the wedding. And that was a decision that he and I made together. But I think that, with any decisions in life, like, I spoke to a girl today who had cancer and we were talking about how this is such a hard thing for her, but it taught her a big lesson on who her friends are and so much about life. She’s 18. And I was like, that’s how I feel.”

More on her fake marriage: “Getting married and divorced quickly, if that was my goal the whole time. I’m not an idiot, I obviously know that that would be a bad business decision. If anything, I probably would have left sooner had I not been filming, because I didn’t want to end the relationship on TV.” The sums of money she was said to have made are “completely outrageous and not true”, she says. “No, I mean even with the money we made, we still had to pay for the wedding. We  didn’t even make enough for that.”

On losing friends after her fake marriage: “All these people who were so on my side completely turned on me, and they’re now trying to come back and be friends.”

On whether she’d sell out her next (third) marriage: ”I would definitely do it differently. Just all the scrutiny that I got. You don’t plan to go through all of that willingly. For money.” Her voice rises out of its Californian drawl and sounds momentarily urgent. “That’s just not what a sane person would do. So. Would I get married on TV again? No.” She thinks about it for a moment. “Well, I guess you never say never. Because who knows? So many other people I know have gotten married on TV and it has worked out amazing for them.”  There is a pause. “William and Kate got married on TV.”

But, conversely  “I’m leaning more towards being a little more private.”

On Kanye West’s cameos on KUWTK: ”[He’ll be there] season by season. It’s what we’re both comfortable with, and it’s all about making a group decision. Him and I, as a team.”

On whether being a porn star impedes her in business: ”No, sex is powerful and I think it’s empowering, so I don’t. I would have thought that before, but now I don’t. I go back and forth about it.” – via The Guardian.